You may be under the assumption that bringing a baby into this world is one of the most wonderful times in a person’s life. And you’re right. It should be. But for many women, this is not the case. For many women, the pain and agony of childbirth lingers on, not physically, but emotionally through postpartum depression. Postpartum depression, otherwise known as PPD, is a disorder that develops soon after your child is born, and it may last for weeks, months, even years after the birth. If not treated, postpartum depression will worsen, and your partner will suffer. You may think that this would never happen to her. That you two are very happy together, and that may be so. But postpartum depression can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter if she’s happy or healthy. I should know. I too thought that I would never be affected by depression, but that all changed when I was diagnosed with PPD. For a year I suffered from the disastrous affects of the disorder without ever knowing it. My life fell apart before my very eyes because I was not properly warned of postpartum depression. That’s why it’s important to be prepared. There is no way to prevent postpartum depression from occurring, but early recognition of the disorder will help your partner recover sooner and suffer less.
The signs and symptoms of PPD vary from one mother to the next, so often times it’s hard to recognize if anything is wrong at all. Don’t be mistaken! Often times, postpartum depression is mistaken for the rise and fall of hormones during and after pregnancy. It can also be mistaken for the Baby Blues, which occurs right after delivery and lasts for no more than two weeks (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 5). Because of these two occurrences, people often brush off their ill feelings as if the problems will just go away by themselves. This is the mistake that I made. I thought that my lack of energy was due from my lack of sleep, and that this in turn made me irritable. I told myself that it was normal to be over obsessive about my baby boy. After all, he was my only child. But these things were not normal, and were actually symptoms of postpartum depression. Other symptoms of PPD include “feelings of worthlessness, despair or guilt, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, lack of interest in your baby or family, anxiety, anger, fearfulness, loss of control, crying, sadness, headaches, frightening thoughts [of harm being done to herself or the baby] and self doubt” (Bloomington Hospital). No matter what you may hear from family and friends, these symptoms are not a normal reaction of a woman’s body after the birth of a child! These symptoms are serious, and PPD will only get worse if it is not recognized or not treated at all. So if something just doesn’t seem quite right, don’t wait. Talk to her about your concerns, and schedule a meeting with her doctor. It can be extremely difficult to distinguish between raging hormones, the Baby Blues, and postpartum depression, but don’t disregard her questionable behavior. If she doesn’t seem to be the person you fell in love with, chances are, she’s not. But please remember, it’s not her fault! Mother’s who suffer from PPD often feel like prisoners in their own bodies. They can’t control their emotions or thoughts, and they may often say or do things they don’t mean. Don’t take their feelings and actions to heart. It is merely the disorder talking, not her.
Though the actual cause of this disorder is unclear, it has been suggested in different studies that postpartum depression often develops when the fathers are not providing an adequate amount of support for the new mother, both with caring for the baby and with household tasks (McHugh). This is not to say that you yourself are an inadequate father and partner if the mother of your child develops postpartum depression. It is to say, however, that every mother is different; and every mother requires a different amount of support emotionally, physically, and socially. If you feel that she is struggling after the birth of your child, offer to help her with the child’s everyday needs or with household chores. This includes bathing the child, putting the child to bed (McHugh), and even doing the dishes! If you begin to take on extra tasks, you may begin to feel as though the things you do for her are never good enough. This, however, is not the case. She may seem as though she is never satisfied, but that doesn’t mean that she’s not satisfied with you. It is simply much more difficult for her to express how she truly feels, and often times the depression becomes the dominant emotion. Encourage her to take time for herself. Offer to watch the child while she goes out with her friends or does an activity that she enjoys. If she refuses because she “doesn’t feel like it,” don’t push it. Understand that she will want to when she’s ready. Simply remind her every so often that the offer is still on the table whenever she wants to take it.
Postpartum depression is always hard on the new mother, but it can also take its toll on the family as well. Fortunately, there is hope for all of you. Talk with her doctor and explore different methods of recovery. This may include therapy, support groups, antidepressants, or expressing herself through writing blogs, songs, or poems. Every mother is different, and every mother heals differently. She may just need your support, or she may need more medical attention; either way, be there for her and comfort her. Let her know that you care. Encouraging her to get the proper treatment is also a necessary step down the road to recovery. Please don’t brush this aside. There are plenty of resources out there that will help you understand where she is coming from and how she feels. Call her doctor, your local hospital, support groups in your area, and check out sources such as the Online PPD Support Group at http://www.ppdsupportpage.com/. Also, talk with other mothers who have gone through the disorder. It’s important to know what you can expect, and just what you can do in specific situations to help her get through this difficult time. If you have any questions regarding postpartum depression and the affects that it may have on a new mother, please don’t hesitate to ask. I would never wish for another person to go through what I have gone through. If I had to do it all over again, I would let the father of my son know that I needed help, that I couldn’t do it on my own. Don’t let her go through this by herself. If you love her, let her know by watching out for the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression. Your lives together and her health and happiness depend on it.
Sincerely,
Emily,
former survivor of the affects of postpartum depression
Works Cited
McHugh, Beth. Fathers and postnatal depression. 2006.
PPD Task Force. Bloomington Hospital. Sometimes its hard to find the joy in being a mom. Bloomington: Bloomington Hospital Printing Services.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Health Resources & Services Administration. Depression During and After Pregnancy. Rockville: 2006.
